When Pigs Fly
by Kookie-chan
Summary: Thanks to the destruction of clumsy vampires, the Twilight characters are forced to get jobs. Will they survive the torture or turn that job into chaos?
1. Teeth

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight. **

**Chapter 1 – Teeth **

"So why are we doing this again?" Rosalie asked as she was painting her nails. Carlisle sighed, having to repeat it to the whole family again, for the _10__th_ time.

"Because that you have spent nearly three thousand dollars on manicures and other related things, Alice has spent three hundred thousand dollars on shopping within a week, Jasper has ruined Nancy which got Edward very angry resulting to destroying half of the house, and Emmett flooded the house with a soda machine that he 'borrowed' from McDonalds." Carlisle took in a deep breath. "To make it more of a family event, Esme and I will take the job too. Bella will also help us; due to it is her own choice."

"Who's Nancy?" Bella asked, looking at Bella with an almost suspicious but curious look.

Edward looked down at the ground before mumbling back a reply that was loud enough for Bella to hear. "My piano." Alice gave a small smile while trying to make as if she found interest in the family room's window curtains.

"The first job is a bit of difficultly but we'll try it for a week. If it doesn't work, we'll move onto the next one." Carlisle announced, handing out papers to the family. "We're going to try dentistry." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, everyone began to have their own reactions.

"Finally!" Emmett shouted and ran to the garage to get something. Sighing, Rosalie followed him deliberately.

"Shopping!" Alice whispered to Jasper who ran into my office, rummaging through the drawers of my desk looking for the paper that had the family's sizes in clothes.

"Taking people's teeth out, how fun." Edward said sarcastically. "Let's go to the meadow, love." Bella smiled. Hand in hand, they strolled off to Edward's Volvo.

"They all took that well." Carlisle said before turning to Esme, smiling. She laughed then embraced him into a hug.

"Let's just hope this will end well."

**XXX**

"Wow." Bella stated, looking at the front office of the Cullen Dentistry building. The room was divided into two parts. Everything on one side was kid style, rainbows and anything to make kids comfortable. The other side was decorated with cool colors, with chairs and a bookshelf, to believe that it was meant for adults or teens mostly. She went over to a purple bean bag, sitting down. It completely sunk down, so instead of sitting in the position in a chair, Bella's face met her knees.

"Alice, don't you think you overdid it a little?" Edward questioned as he helped Bella out of her beanbag struggle.

"Nope. What do you think Esme?" Alice said, twirling around to peek at the clipboard that Esme was holding. The clipboard held the day's appointments. Thanks to lots of advertisement, and Carlisle's professional reputation, they had gotten the whole day booked.

"It's alright." Esme replied, looking up from the clipboard to take in the room's bright and cool colors.

At that exact moment Jasper walked into the front office wearing a duck costume. He stared at Alice then at the rainbows and bright colors. "BRIGHT COLORS, MY EYES!" Jasper screamed, while scrambling around the office, covering his eyes. Miraculously, without breaking anything, he made it outside and bumped into a guy wearing a giant banana outfit. Particularly, the guy in the giant banana outfit was Jacob. The song 'Banana Phone' came out of nowhere causing Jasper and Jacob to break into dancing.

"Can I join?" Alice asked cheerfully as she stepped outside, flipping the 'OPEN' sign on. Patients poured into the office, settling into the room carefully. Esme started calling patient's names and showing them where to go.

"See you later, love." Edward smiled Bella's favorite crooked smile as he kissed her forehead and left to help Carlisle. Smiling, Bella went along to help Esme with the filing and guiding the patients.

**Edward's POV**

Augh. This was a bit of a mess. Lots of thoughts ran through my head, most of them curious about the new dentist in town with his adopted children. I sighed, walking down the hallway to stop at stall number 4. The only things separating the stalls from each other are shelves in between. Within the stalls were your everyday standard dentist chair and tools stationed next to where the dentist would sit. On the wall, in front of the chair where the patient would reside for their teeth to be done, was a TV that they could use for entertainment if they liked.

Taking the folder off the counter, I flipped through its pages aimlessly. The door opened and in stepped a girl around the age of sixteen. She blushed when her eyes met mine. Taking a seat on the patient's chair, she waited for me to start patiently.

"Hello Charlotte. I'll start cleaning your teeth." I said, gesturing for her to lay down. She blushed even harder. I heard her thoughts; she was planning to _flirt _with me. How can you possibly flirt with a guy when he's cleaning your teeth? This could be _amusing_.

"Will this hurt?" Charlotte asked, making an expression that was supposed to be flirty and cute.

"No." My voice was flat, she was oblivious to it. While I turned around to get the tools, she unbuttoned some buttons on her blouse. I sighed, if this keeps up I would call in someone else. Trying my best to ignore all of this nonsense, I quickly finished cleaning her teeth. After she rinsed, she gave an attempt to kiss me. It failed. I had shoved a lollipop inside her mouth before she could. "Here, have a lollipop."

"Thanks." She mumbled before leaving the room, embarrassed.

**Normal POV **

A patient sat in one of the stalls, a man around the age of twenty. He was rather bored, wondering if this new dentist was any good at all at his work. Flipping on the television, he flipped through channels aimlessly. That is, until Rosalie walked in. His eyes were glued to her body, taking in its perfect curves.

'_Augh. Disgusting' _Rosalie thought as she stepped in, watching the man's expression. When she smiled, the man took that as an encouragement. _'Emmett will finally get to use his wrench on this one.' _

'_Sexy.' _The patient thought as she smiled at him. He would've almost given anything at that moment to be with this mysterious dentist's adopted hot daughter. _'Wonder if she's single…' _ He mentally whistled.

"Hello. An assistant will be with you soon." Rosalie said, smiling sweetly.

'_Yeah, with me soon. It'll be you, babe.' _He laughed aloud, causing Rosalie to give him a purposely confused look. As he blushed, the door opened and Emmett entered. In his hands, completely hidden from the patient's view was a wrench. Emmett grinned like a child finding a huge stash of sweets. _'Holy shit.' _Whispering something inaudible to human ears, Rosalie giggled before leaving the room. Alone, Emmett and the patient. Who would win? Dramatic music came on.

"Sup Dude." Emmett grinned as he took the wrench from behind his back. As the patient saw it, he gave a silent shriek of terror. "I'm supposed to take out some of your teeth that have cavities." The patient stared at Emmett as if he was joking but soon saw that he wasn't and began to slowly back up on his chair, getting far from Emmett as possible. "Open wide." Being forced, the patient opened his mouth, trying not to look at the wrench.

"Aren't you supposed to use a smaller tool?!" The patient cried, flinging his arms around. 

"Yes." Emmett winked. "But this is what you get for messing with my Rose." Sticking the wrench inside the man's mouth, Emmett angled it and made sure it took hold of the cavity.

"Please have mercy! I'M SORRY!" Tears trickled out of the patient's eyes. 

"Don't worry buddy, you won't feel a thing."

The last thing heard from the room was a patient shrieking in terror and pain on the top of their lungs.

**XXX**

"Did you hear something?" Carlisle asked, looking up from the computer. It sounded like a shriek of a little girl, barely audible to vampire ears. But he heard it. Bella gave a shrug, turning back to the shelf of folders. Esme looked at him worriedly. Rosalie didn't look at him at all actually; she seemed to be shaking… With laughter? "Rosalie?"

Putting on a straight face, Rosalie turned. "I didn't hear anything."

"Are you sure?" He raised an eyebrow. Walking over to him, Rosalie placed a hand on Carlisle's shoulder.

"I'm sure. Maybe you're just imagining things because you're getting old." She walked away, leaving him speechless. He looked back at Esme.

"I'm _old_?"

**XXX**

"So… Are you sure you aren't a banana phone?" Jasper asked. He and the guy in the banana suit was playing poker. People passed by, giving them weird looks on why they were playing poker in front of a dentist office. In total, it had been about an hour or two since they had began playing.

"I am sure!" Jacob screamed, flinging his cards up into the air. He jumped to his feet, followed by Jasper. "Why do you want to know so badly?"

"I mean like the song's so catchy!" Jacob sighed. Jasper sat while staring at Jacob like a child eager for a new story to be told.

"Fine, I'll teach you the banana phone secrets." Leaning over, Jacob whispered the secrets to Jasper. After hearing the secrets Jasper rolled onto the floor rolling with laughter and giggling. "What? You wanted to know!"

"You're right." Jasper took back his serious face. "Let's go get my banana suit!" The two of them scattered cards everywhere and stuffing huge poker chips into Carlisle's car before sprinting over to the costume store several blocks away.

**XXX **

It was lunch break at the Cullen Dentistry. The lunch break lasts for about an hour or two. Everyone was doing whatever they pleased. Carlisle was sulking in his office while Esme was trying to bribe him into coming out with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich along with some milk, even though he doesn't eat human food. Rosalie and Emmett mysteriously disappeared after the victim of the wrench incident had left the office. Bella was being taken out to lunch by Edward. Jasper and Alice had gone to buy more ice, since most of it was used on Emmett's patient's aching jaw.

"Carlisle, you know you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." Esme said, crawling closer to her husband's desk while pushing a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it. Carlisle was sulking because he was called 'old' earlier. He was hiding behind his desk, at least making an effort to. Esme paused then reappeared with a glass of milk.

"I can't eat human food! It'll taste like dirt…" Carlisle frowned; he did used to like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with milk when he was human. Peering from behind the desk, Carlisle saw Esme looking at him pleadingly. He sighed and was about to get out from under his desk when were interrupted as someone stomped into the office. It was the guy who had his teeth yanked out with a wrench.

"I'm going to sue you!" The guy screamed, pointing at Carlisle and Esme.

"May I help you?" Carlisle asked, popping his head out from behind the desk.

"Your son used a wrench to pull my teeth out! I'll sue you for…" He looked around the room, his eyes landed on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "The sandwich!"

"Here." Esme replied, handing him the sandwich. The patient took a bite of the sandwich and walked away, taking it with him. Esme turned to her husband.

"Maybe we should try another job…"

**XXX**

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it. (: Please review as they will make me and the Cullens happy : D


	2. Pick Me, Bella

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight.**

**A/N: I was going to go with the Cullen's next job but I don't have much time with me now and I decided to postpone that until next week. So this chapter is about another character : D **

**Chapter 2 – Pick Me, Bella **

"Edward, so why are you paying for it?" Bella asked as she and Edward walked through the store with a shopping cart. Many customers stared at the immortal vampire for moments before turning away and diverting their attention back to their shopping.

Edward flashed his famous crooked smile. "Because, love, Forks is growing colder and you need one." Bella sighed; she didn't want Edward to pay for this. She was going to become a vampire soon anyway and Edward had already gotten her many things… A little cold can't hurt, right? Ok, maybe she was wrong. Last time Bella had got home from school, it was so freezing in her room that Bella couldn't open the window in her room, since it was stuck, fast enough for Edward to climb in and well, he hit the wall and fell back down. Which caused Charlie to come out, armed and ready to shoot but luckily at the time, Edward was disguised as a snowman.

"But why can't _I _pay for it?"

"You already know why Bella…" _'… And I took this opportunity to use it as an excuse to save me from working…' _The Cullen family had a new job since the last one hadn't gone well… The new job is more embarrassing and more witnesses to watch. Watch their every move. Stalker-ish much? After about ten minutes walking around the store repeatedly, Edward decided to ask an employee. He didn't let Bella ask because he picked this certain employee.

Tapping the man on the shoulder, Edward mentally smiled as the man turned around "How may-"He paused, seeing who it was that had tapped him. "Cullen?"

"Hey Mike." Was Edward's reply while trying to hold in his laughter. It was Mike and he was wearing a gorilla suit. The gorilla was the store's mascot and Mike was the unfortunate one to wear the suit.

Mike sighed. "What can I help you with Cullen?"

"Where can you find the heaters?"

"Isle ten."

"Thank you." Edward walked back to Bella, giving her an embrace before swiftly grabbing the shopping cart and shoving it at Mike. The shopping cart was strong enough to knock him down and run him over.

"Edward, did you hear anything?" Bella asked Edward shook his head while mentally smirking. _'Liar.' _Together they went to isle ten and found a surprise. There were many heaters, in different sizes and colors. Small ones, large ones, and plain normal ones. But this one heater, it was… _Special. _There were about ten of those, all the same but different looking. This one, which stood in front of Bella and Edward, was six foot tall, and warm.

"Hey Bella!" Jacob grinned, waving. Wow, what was Jacob doing in the store and for sale? A sale, 30 percent off too. Edward couldn't help it; he burst out into booming laughter. Bella turned, taking in the whole isle. The whole pack was there, all except Leah. Sam, Seth, Quil, and much more were standing on the shelves and were being for sale.

"Jake? Why are you here?" That only made his grin grow bigger.

"I accidentally burnt down all our homes for marshmallows so we're taking jobs here!"

"As a heater?" He nodded.

"Up to 105 degrees!"

He looked at a lady who took Quil off the shelf to the cash register. Quil looked like he was on the verge of crying. You could still hear him as he trailed further and further away "No!! I wanted Bella to pick me!"

"Bella, maybe we should go to another shop…" Edward started, looking hesitantly at Bella. He didn't want to buy Jacob the Heater for her, any heater but Jacob.

"No, Edward, wait…" Bella replied, taking a look at the sign around Jacob's neck. "Hmm…"

"Pick me Bella!" Jacob grinned. After a long moment of thought, Bella nodded.

"Edward, I want to buy Jacob the Heater please." She pointed at Jacob who was nearly grinning like a maniac. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.

"Alright." Using vampire super strength, Edward picked Jacob off the shelf and headed to the cash register followed by Bella. Placing Jacob the Heater onto the counter, the cashier coughed awkwardly before scanning the price check.

"Price check on isle five."

**A/N: **A bit rushed so I'm sorry if this didn't turn out well. I needed a quick break from all the book reports, reports/essays, and 35 page packet : D Thanks for the reviews, I hadn't expected so many and greatly appreciate them (:


	3. Cookies

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight.**

**Chapter 3 – Cookies **

**Emmett POV**

Wow, how cool. Carlisle decided to pick us a very easy job. All he said that we were hired to sell products. Products of what you may ask? Girl Scout cookies. He can't be serious, but he is. I must plan my revenge against Carlisle… Maybe covering his car and everything in it with gum will do the trick. I mentally laughed evilly. Snapping my head back towards Edward I narrowed my eyes. _'You better not tell Carlisle!' _ Edward caught my thought and smirked before gliding into the other room. NO, my plan will be ruined! I was about to chase after him when Alice skidded to a stop next to me.

"Emmett, I'll help you with your revenge. Edward's planning to tell Carlisle but he won't be able to get to him in time." Alice whispered making sure that Edward couldn't overhear. Her little frame was wrapped in a Girl Scout uniform. Plain green t-shirt with an orange skirt, not very fashionable enough for Alice. She let out an evil giggle. At times like this, this pixie scared the living daylights from me.

"Nice!" I rubbed my hands together, feeling anticipation. The strong anticipation lured Jasper into the room, eyebrows raised. "We're planning to stop Edward from tattling on me for me to stick Carlisle's car with gum!" He nodded, approving of the plan and sticking to Alice like glue. "When Carlisle's not watching, let's stick it during the cookie selling."

"Poor Carlisle will lose a few strands of hair that'll never grow back…" Alice sighed. "But these outfits are plain… Just green and orange with no designs." Snatching off a fake badge, she stuck it onto the uniform. "That's a bit better." Her eyes gleamed with glee as she left the room with tugging Jasper behind her.

"Good luck with the plan Emm." Jasper waved. Now, all I need to do is to find Rose.

**Edward POV**

Agony. Pain. Miserable. I thought of every sad word I could think of. Out of all jobs why did Carlisle had to pick this one?! I mean, I am not in Scouts and this is just _too_ embarrassing. Me, Edward Cullen, in shorts, walking around in the cold (even though I can't feel it) with his girlfriend Bella Swan. I could have sworn that I saw my classmates driving around and staring at me with amazement. Nothing exciting about the hottest guy walking around in shorts right? Wrong.

On the other hand, Bella was enjoying herself quite well. During moments like this I wish I could read her mind, wondering what she is thinking about. She might as well be thinking of the Banana Phone song that Jacob wrote for her nights ago. How cliché. Bella standing in her room and sticking her head out the window while Jacob was at the bottom singing the Banana Phone song. It was very 'romantic' until Bella fell out of the window and I had to catch her before she fell to her death on top of a guy in a large banana suit.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella asked. Her eyes were smeared with worry and curiosity.

I flashed my famous crooked smile, trying to dazzle her. "Nothing."

It didn't work. "I know that you don't like to sell cookies Edward." How did she know? "It's written all over your face." She reached up and pulled a sticky note off of my face that read "Edward says: I don't like selling cookies." Emmett.

I sighed, admitting defeat. "Alright you win Bella. I'll go to this house and sell cookies." Bella was about to say something but it was too late as I reached the path that lead to the front step of this mint green house. Ringing the doorbell, I waited patiently. Soon a little girl opened the door, she seemed as if she was a third grader or so but I knew better. Her thoughts shocked me a bit _'OMG Its EDWARD' _Smiling nervously, I took out a box of cookies. "Would you like to buy some cookies?" She nodded silently before slipping back inside and leaving the door slightly open. I turned to Bella, giving her thumbs up before turning back to the door. What I saw was very shocking.

Without thinking, I let out a flamboyant shriek. I was slowly being dragged inside the house by little girls while the parents and family members stood laughing. I then noticed that among the group was the girl from my school, Jessica. It was like a wave of vacuum cleaners, sucking me closer inside the house with each passing second. "BELLA!" Sprinting across the lawn, Bella tried to pull me back but was unsuccessful. I decided to give her my last words seeing as I won't be able to escape this trap. "Tell Emmett… He's dead after I get my hands on him." Bella couldn't help but to suppress a line of giggles causing her to lessen her grip on me.

"See you later Edward." Bella whispered, desperately trying to reach my fingers before the door shut.

**Carlisle POV**

I can do this… I can do this… No I can't do this! Remember that this is partly my fault too… God, I look so ridiculous! My hair looked like it was very fluffy, which actually caused some people to touch it. Personal space please! To make it shorter, I looked a scoutmaster. I turned back to Esme who was in the Mercedes while waiting for me to finish my rounds. She gave me an encouraging smile and I nervously swallowed before turning back to this hell-like house. No, the house didn't actually look like hell where my worst nightmare is waiting. That was only my exaggeration. I dragged my feet to the front steps of this house slowly in a very antagonizing manner. Ringing the doorbell three times, I was greeted by pink haired, flour covered, and scowling Jane.

"Hello Jane." I greeted her kindly, knowing that she knew why I was here.

Jane scrutinized me then turned and screamed. "ARO! GET THE DOOR, IT'S FOR YOU!" She slammed the door so hard that it nearly fell off the hinges. There was a line of curses and shouting to be heard from the house along the lines of:

"Who dares interrupts my fabulous cooking!?" Aro whined. A rustle of the curtain was heard.

"It's Carlisle." Heidi explained.

"I'll be able to show him my cookies!"

I could've sworn I had heard a faint voice saying "Run Carlisle Run." At that moment, the door opened. Behind this wooden plank revealed a grinning Aro with Alec holding a sign that said "Don't do it.". He took notice of the sign and swatted Alec away.

"Carlisle, my dear friend!" I shook hands with Aro while a bit nervous. There was something planned. "How nice it is to see you again after 150 years!"

I gave a nervous chuckle. "Ah, apologies for not visiting Aro. I know this may be awkward for me to ask but, would you like to purchase some scout cookies?" A gleam in his eyes was seen from afar.

"Come on in! I'll get my checkbook." Without waiting for a reply, Aro pulled me inside. Little did I know I would be partly traumatized.

**Alice POV**

How long could chewing a load of gum and sticking them all over Carlisle's car take?! Even with vampire speed, it took us a _very _long time. As I speak, me, Rose, and Emmett are sitting here on the concrete, hidden from view by Carlisle's car and chewing gum. He was currently in Aro's house receiving a little makeover. Jasper had taken care of Esme; he dragged her off to the house claiming that he had seen killer bees. It was all ready and planned. I saw the vision perfectly. Heh, heh.

"Finally, we're done!" Emmett bellowed and fell over from massive gum chewing. Rosalie patted his shoulder before turning to me and smirking. She mouthed the words 'Is the plan set?' I nodded. Dragging Emmett on the dirt, we pushed him onto the tree and ducked into the bushes as Carlisle stepped out of the Volturi's house. I and Rosalie both had to stifle our laughter, it was too funny. Basically, Carlisle was wearing a dog suit. It was _adorable_. Yellow dog ears, yellow scoutmaster uniform, yellow paws and yellow dog shoes along with the most important detail. A yellow dog tail. I couldn't believe I was seeing this but Carlisle was strutting down the sidewalk to his car like a model. Literally, waving the tail around before gathering himself and walked normally. As if in slow motion, Carlisle reached for his car door and was about to enter but… But… But he snapped his head towards our hiding spot!

"Alice? Rosalie? Emmett?" Carlisle asked. "What are-"At that exact moment, Jasper ran up to Carlisle and screamed "KILLER BEES!" Then he placed Carlisle inside his sticky Mercedes. Esme soon arrived after him at human speed.

"Carlisle, are you alright?" Esme asked, noticing that her husband was upside-down in the car. He replied but his voice was muffled by the gum. All three of us come out of our hiding places to open the car door. There, inside, was Carlisle. The only problem was that he was stuck, upside-down, and can't possibly get out of the mess alone. Emmett bent down next to him and ripped the gum from his mouth.

"YOUCH! What's going on?" Carlisle and Esme stared at us while we smiled.

"I hate to be mean to you Carlisle, but you did deserve this a bit this time." I replied.

"Why couldn't we get less embarrassing jobs?!" Emmett whined and stomped around like a child. "I mean really! Even look at Eddie and Bella over there!" He pointed to the Edward and Bella. Bella was fine, however Edward's uniform was ripped and his hair was covered with cotton candy and chocolate. They trudged up to us before Edward knelt down on the dirt next to Carlisle and yanked off his dog ears.

"YOUCH!" Carlisle nearly shouted.

"Please, pick a new job…" Edward pleaded before collapsing. Bella immediately rushed to his side, almost like how in Romeo and Juliet did. (A/N: I think that they did that in Romeo and Juliet. o.o)

"Live Edward, live!" Bella shook him furiously.

"I will, if Carlisle changes the job." He opened one eye while his face faked a death.

"Alright, I'll change the job and I'm sorry for picking such an embarrassing one." Carlisle replied and pulled himself into the right sitting position of the seat. "Let's go home kids." In a flash, everyone left except for Carlisle and Esme. They both sighed and drove back home.

"When will you be able to work in the hospital again?"

**XXXX**

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review as you will make Marcus smile ( :


	4. Library

**Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight.**

**Chapter 4 – Library **

"I don't even know what to say this time." Carlisle stated, staring at his children for a _very_ long time. Everyone but his wife had destroyed a few job possibilities. He mentally made a note to beg the hospital for his job back. Now onto the next job. "We're going to be librarians for the time being."

"_That_ is going to be fun!" Alice grinned as visions flashed in her mind. The upcoming events would be very amusing.

"Bella, love, what's wrong?" Edward asked while tracing circles onto Bella's palm. Bella's face turned red as a tomato, mumbling an answer "Rosalie and Emmett."

"There, there Bella. I understand." Carlisle said understandingly. Everyone except Rosalie and Emmett stared at him in confusion. "There's a reason why I want to get my office remodeled."

"Don't worry dear, it'll be done by tomorrow." Esme patted her husband's shoulder reassuringly.

"Edward!" Emmett shouted. Everyone stared at him, waiting for an answer. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Edward, I challenge you to book wars!"

"Finally!" Edward replied with a look of anticipation on his face. "What would you like to bet this time? Oh say, your jeep?"

Emmett let out a gasp but continued on. "Fine, but you'll bet your Volvo too."

"Deal." Both vampires smirked as they shook hands.

**XXX**

Feeling very content at the information desk, Jasper continued to assist humans. He used to like libraries very much; it was a place for relaxing and reading books. There were no distractions or disruptions. That is, until a certain vampire tapped on the table. _'Please not him.' _Jasper wished it wasn't this vampire. Unfortunately it was.

"Hey Jasper, buddy!" Jasper grimaced at the voice and looked up. Aro smiled at him and was dressed in skater gear, complete with a skateboard.

"Sorry sir, skateboards are not allowed in the library." Jasper reminded him. Aro shrugged before tossing the skateboard somewhere. It hit Marcus's head then landing on the floor where it snapped in half. "How may I help you?"

"Can you help me get a library card?" Jasper silently sighed and brought Aro to a computer.

"Here. You use the computer to enter your information." _'This is almost over… Just a couple more weeks…' _Jasper watched as Aro began typing in his information very slowly.

"This is easy! I am Aro Volturi, born in 1000 BC and I currently live in Volterra, Italy." Aro grinned, completely getting every piece of information modernly wrong. "That's weird; it said that this was invalid." He turned around but Jasper was missing, he was no longer there. "Jasper? Where are you?" Aro growled, causing several humans to stop and stare. He, Aro Volturi, never _ever_ gets ditched! "I am _so_ going to get Jasper!" Aro stomped back to the information desk to file a complaint and get some help.

"Aro turn around." On reflex Aro turned around. Two skateboard pieces smacked him straight in the face.

**XXX**

When he was done with checking in with the staff, Carlisle began taking his shift in the internet cafe. Coffee and the atmosphere in the café had gotten him to pick this job. Coffee wasn't invented when he was living but the smell of it brought him in. In a way, Esme smelt like coffee too. In a good way. Besides, he could use this place as an excuse when he and Esme needed some 'parent time'.

"Hey mister?" A voice that sounded very young. Carlisle peered over the counter and spotted the owner of the voice. It was a five year old girl with pigtails wearing a causal outfit of shirt and short. "Where's mommy?" Her round brown eyes stared up at him. _'She looks like Bella when she was younger.'_ Carlisle thought as he stepped around the counter and knelt down to the girl.

"Did you get lost?" Carlisle asked the innocent little girl.

The girl began to sniff and rub her eyes. "Yes. I walk and I look, mommy was gone!" A few tears trickled down her cheek.

"There, there. We'll find your mommy." Carlisle gave the girl a tissue while trying not to hug her. _'She's so adorable! Just like little Bella.' _He threw the tissue away. "Let's go find her." He was about to stand up when someone tapped him on the shoulders. Carlisle turned his head, there stood a woman that looked very angry.

"What do you think you're doing with my daughter?" The woman demanded without giving Carlisle time to speak. She swung her purse back and snapped it like a whip to smack Carlisle in the face. The force of the purse was hard enough that it knocked him to the ground. People stared in amazement that a purse could knock a grown man to the ground.

"Mommy!" The little girl cried and ran into the arms of her mother.

"I was going to help her find her mom." Carlisle protested but the mother frowned even more. _'What was in that purse?! Bricks?! No wait, something stronger.' _

"That's what you get for trying to make my baby cry!" She gave him one last glare then stomped away, taking her daughter with her.

"Thanks for finding mommy, mister." The little girl said and giggled, skipping to catch up with her mom. Carlisle could only stare in astonishment as the two walked away. _Had he just been pranked by a five year old then been beaten up by a purse? _

**XXX**

It's quiet, too quiet… Emmett's large figure prowled through the fortress made out of books. He would win this bet and get the Volvo. Heh, heh. Emmett having fun with the Volvo with Rosalie or a baseball bat. He would beat his brother and brag about. Over and over just to bug his enemy. His enemy in this was Edward, the mind freak.

"Hey! I heard that!" Edward shouted from his fortress of books and threw a book at Emmett. The enemy had made a move! Emmett started chucking everything he could get his hands on, including a computer. "Where'd the anvil come from?!"

Soon everything on Emmett's side was gone; he looked over to his brother. "Perfect, Edward is buried under the things. I'm going to steal his Volvo! First, I need to customize the car." A muffled shout came from beneath the pile. Grinning, Emmett skipped happily off to find Edward's Volvo.

**XXX**

When Aro had planned for the Volturi to try to make 'peace' with humans and stay at the library for the day, Alice had a vision. It was great and Aro was going to wish that he never planned this day. Alice had a fit of laughter, planning the scheme out of Rosalie. She peered from their hiding spot behind the bookshelf; Caius was calmly sitting and reading. Perfect.

Making as much noise as a teenager can, Alice hopped into the armchair a few feet away from Caius. She flipped her phone open and dialed Rosalie, who was in the hiding spot. "Oh, hey Rose! It's been like so long since I've talked to you!"

Rose turned the corner and sat at the table in front of Caius "Alice! Oh my gosh, I've missed you so much! Have you seen the shoes at that store?"

Alice grinned; Caius was beginning to frown "Those shoes were so fabulous! We must go today!" Rose made a daring move and sat right next to Caius.

"I KNOW! ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!" Caius scowled, shushing her. "Don't you shush me!" That struck a nerve as the Cullen girls snapped their cells shut.

"Shut the hell up! It's a freaking library!" Caius growled, throwing his book at the ground and stomping out. "ARO, I'M GOING TO HAVE MY REVENGE!" Alice and Rosalie laughed, their plans had worked.

**XXX**

"May I help you Aro?" Esme asked Aro politely. His face broke into a grin; finally someone was nice to him!

"Thank you Esme!" Aro smiled, sunlight radiating from him. "Have you seen Jasper? He's tall, blond, and ran away."

Esme had seen Jasper earlier; he was in the staff room. He hid from Aro and had begged her not to show Aro where he was. "Nope, sorry Aro. I have not seen Jasper." In the staff room, Jasper silently thanked his mother for showing sympathy. Aro's mood shimmered down for a moment. "What do you need help with?"

"Nothing, its okay." He bid Esme goodbye and ran while screaming from the approaching furious Caius.

**XXX**

Being the only human around the Cullens most the time, Bella was used to unusual things happening. This was much different. One, they were in public. Two, the Volturi was also here with a peace offer. As Bella went to find Edward who has disappeared ever since his book fight with Emmett, she saw holes the size of someone's feet throughout the library. _'Must have been an annoyed vampire…' _

"Stupid computer!" A very young and familiar voice shouted. Bella turned her head in the direction to which the voice belonged to, it was Jane. Apparently she was so annoyed at the computer that she had used her power upon it. The unfortunate computer screen cracked in half. "HAH! YOU DO NOT PROVOKE THE VOLUTRI!!"

Bella quickly looked away before Jane could turn her devil glare toward her.

**XXX**

Author's Note: That's the end for this chapter, there's not much to it. Jasper as a librarian is based on a true story. At my local library, there's a librarian that looks like he could be Jasper's brother. ;D Review to get a hug from Jasper!


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